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Friday, July 13, 2012

Bloody 'ell

Tea Rat:  Rattus, will you looky there? Some bloody human set up a bloody trap to trick and kill one of our kind. Bloody 'ell.

Rattus:  Don't say "bloody" or 'ell". It's vulgar.

Tea Rat:  I know, but this issue just makes me, well...bloody mad.

Rattus:  I know. It is tragic.  Monstrous. Traps have been used in every way imaginable to persecute all the good creatures who hail from that noble stock, rodentia. In the Middle Ages, a plague wiped out a third of Europe, and who did they blame?

Tea Rat:  Rats. Of course

Rattus:  I mean, who else, right?

Tea Rat:  When you're right, you're right. You are so, sooo bloody ri...

Rattus:  And ever since then, it's been war on the rodents.
 Tea Rat:  "Ooo, Ooo. There's a rat. Let's kill it. Let's watch it suffer and die a thousand deaths. Ooo, Ooo. There's another one..."

Rattus:  In more than half a millennium -- even as humans have learned to fly to the moon and communicate instantaneously around the globe, and cure polio, and plumb the ocean depths -- things have not improved one iota for us.

Tea Rat:  One bloody iota.

Rattus:  Tea Rat!

Tea Rat:  Sorry. But I just get blo...

Rattus:  Even today, it's just more updated versions of the same old story.

Tea Rat:  Same old bloody story.

Rattus:  Then the government stepped in.

Tea Rat:  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Tee, hee, hee, hee. The bloody government. I know where this is going.

Rattus:  I mean it was bad enough when the private sector was inventing cheap consumer products to kill us. Leave it to the government to invest billions of dollars in the attempt to create the most terrifying WMD of all.

Tea Rat:  WMD?

Rattus:  Weapon of Mouse Destruction.

Tea Rat:  Bloody 'ell.

Rattus:  Exactly. And who, after all, are the humans to think themselves so above us. We know what they love the most, don't we? The fates have conspired to build a trap for them as punishment for their high crimes, right?

Tea Rat:  Fitting. Fitting indeed. And ironic. Fitting and ironic.

Rattus:  Yes. And even when they have no money, they invent new ways to satisfy their filthy habit.

Tea Rat:  Filthy. Foul, fetid, fecal even............ Ho! Wait a minute. Did you say, "Weapon of Mouse Destruction"?

Rattus:  That was like from five minutes ago.

Tea Rat:  You mean those bloody humans are trying to kill cute little mouses?

Rattus:  Mice. They are part of the rodent family.

Tea Rat:  Mouses, mice. Bloody 'ell. You mean they would try to kill Miss...Miss I can't even get myself to say it.

Rattus:  Miss Moussie. Yeah. Imagine how I feel. You how I feel about Bebe.

Tea Rat:  Bloody 'ell.

Rattus:  Stop saying that.

Tea Rat:  That's it. I'm going to bloody well show those bloody humans what we rodents are bloody well made of. And that's the bloody truth.

Rattus:  Bloody 'ell.


The Bear's Blog said...

NO NO NO. But wait...the "government" is working on getting rid of our furry friends? Well, then I am not worried. You know what they say about the "govern....."

Hugs ♥

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Tea Rat: You see Rattus old chum, you are just like EVERY ONE ELSE.....FIGHT THE FIGHT! Work those abs, those thighs, THOSE WINGS!!

Angelsdoor * Penny said...

Oh NO... Save me, save me! Where can I hide? It sounds like this is a job for SUPER RAT!

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...


OOOOOOOOOOOOO SUPER RAT! That is who I will become! YES! See those muscles growing before your eyes every one???


Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHA...genious!! Bravo!!! Bloody bravo!! I'm so glad I clicked over right before heading out to dinner. Hmmm...well...hmmm...okay, awkward. ;)

You go, Tea Rat.

Palomasea said...

Look at him go!!! GO TEA RAT!
Anyone else hearing Russel Brand's voice as they read this? :))
Save our precious rodents!!