TEA RAT: Holy cow, I have been found out! I am an excellent chef (Rattus, help me out here...) and I am a faithful friend (Bebe, help me out here) but I have to admit that the cottage at Witsend is rife in dust bunnies! RED SONJA, I WILL PAY YOU HANDSOMELY IF YOU WOULD COME TO BE OUR FRIEND (first and foremost) and to be our very own housekeeper! Uh....Red Sonja....uh, watch out with that feather duster...oh, oh.....AHHHHHH! RUN AWAY! HELP ME OUT SOMEBODY! Red Sonja is attacking me!teeeheee(DUTCHESS, YOU ARE A FANTASTIC ARTIST! - you crack me up....)
TEA RAT: WOW. That chicken is DYNAMITE! WOOO! I seemed to have lost a boot on my mad run for cover!
RED SONJA: Braack! Braack! It's dusting time. Braack! Clear everything. Braack! It's dusting time. Braack! Gather those news papers, Braack! put those tea cups and saucers in the kitchen to be washed, Braack! put those shoes in the closet, throw those old flowers out, open the curtains and let some light in. Braack! Braack! If you're not reading those books put them back on the shelves. Braack! Braack! Oh, goodness me, what are cheese and crackers doing in this drawer? No wonder it stinks in here. Bachelors! Typical! Braack! Braack! Braack!TEA RAT: I say, what's all the rumpus? What is this chicken up to? RATTUS: Well you paid $200 for her. I figure we may as hire her on to do some house cleaning. TEA RAT: But I am right in the middle of this crossword puzzle. I can't, I won't be disturbed at this crucial moment.RED SONJA: Braack! Braack! Braack! You haven't filled in a single word. Braack! Oh, and by the way, seventeen down is L A Z Y: "Averse or disinclined to work, activity or physical exertion." Now out both of you. Braack! Braack! When I'm wielding my feather duster, none dare stand in my path. Braack! Braack! Braack!RATTUS: Next time, dear fellow, just go buy a normal chicken at a normal butcher's shop for $1.98 on special.TEA RAT: Oh, Braack!
TEA RAT: Good heavens....there are going to be some changes around here at Witsend! Thank you Red Sonja for the help on my crossword puzzle! Oh dearest, would you pleases get me my green boots, the older pair....and do fetch my morning tea and....
(CRASH ON TEA RAT'S HEAD)TEA RAT: OUCH.....I think I got more cluck for my buck!!!!!!!!!
RED SONJA: Braack! I'm the hen with the yen to dust again and again. Braack! Braack! From the kitchen to the den, from the field to the fen, even pigs in their pen. I'm the hen with the yen to dust again and again. Braack! Braack! TEA RAT: Amen!
TEA RAT: This hen is to be RECKONED WITH! The hen from he....teeeheeeMY GOODNESS she even comes with her own music! HEN ON A MISSION! MARCH MARCH MARCH ON! TO A CLEANER COTTAGE GO WE! Well Red Sonja, I leave all the dusting and the field and the pigs and the kitchen to YOU!
hahaaa..I'm the hen with the yen..to dust again and again..amen..GREAT...:)))
Wait, WAIT just a minute! She has taken my feather duster Tea Rat! You know, that little blue one that was in the bottom drawer? Hey! This was my job to clean Witsend... Help me find my duster, I don't want to get to close to her, she may just SWAT me with that BIG ONE she is holding. RATTUS, have you lost your mind, hiring this hen to house clean? Bebe
Ha, ha, ha. I love both the cute drawing of this chicken, and the serious music from the movie Red Sonja. It fits this dusting-happy hen. Bravo, Dutchess.Rattus
Oh Dutchess, this illustration is fantastic! BRAVO
RATTUS: Well I am sure that with my dear friend Tea Rat around there will always be plenty of cleaning and dusting to do around Witsend. He's forever scattering cracker crumbs about the place. Used tea bags, toasted tea cake remnants. And the other day I followed a most offensive odor to Tea Rat's room and there a found a round of cheese in his boot closet. I tell you it reeked of death warmed over. A ran out of there singing "Here we go foochiela!"
THAT'S where my cheese went!!!I stuck it in a boot when I was cleaning Tea Rat's room.. I must have forgot and left it there.. Oh my, I am sure by now the cheese has taken on a life of it's own.. Or should I say death.. ooops, sorry Rattus.Bebe
TEA RAT: Psssssst....Bebe...Rattus....is the coast clear? Is she gone? RATTUS: Well old thing, you've done it again. You have made your bed, now lay in it! You forked over 200$, now you deal with it! I have to say however, the little miss is a heck of a good cook! She is out beating the rugs on the clothesline; coast is clear for now!TEA RAT: Well hell's bells, son....that chicken IS dynamite! Warn me when she comes in; I need to use the loo!teeeheee
TEAT RAT: Ahhh....did I ever have to go....now, can I get a spot of lunch before she comes back into the house? Let's see, where is that round of cheese I found in my boot closet....
Jut a word to the wise, Red Sonya, here in the Hollow, we chicken folk NEVER EVER dust with our own feathers!! We would never want to give those humans any ideas on ways to use them. Lawdy, Lawdy, we would all be bald! We prefer dusting with the sheeps wool... I will send you a large parcel of it, my dear. Save your feathers for the bedding in your nest. By the by, where DID you get such stylish red cloak? It matches your comb so perfectly! Sincerely yourss, Mavis Mudd, head chicken lady and gossip columnist of Hopalong Hollow
I have found a perfect place to keep watch... Up on the teapot.. She is still BEATING the rugs on the clothesline.. I will keep an eye out for her TeaRat... Your cheese..... Rattus was having a fit about the cheese and the boot, so I moved it.It's up on the sink...Hurry now.Bebe
Tea Rat: AH....I see the coast IS clear and Mavis Mudd TO THE RESCUE! Maybe if Red Sonya uses the wool for cleaning purposes, I will be safe! She brandishes that feather duster like it was a weapon!AND BEBE my dear...thank you for moving the cheese! Sandwich anyone?HI HO, MAVIS MUDD!
TEA RAT: I saw, what is that horrid smell? It smells like smoke....smoked cheese? Mmmmm.......RATTUS: I say, you are on fire old man....
Get the water BUCKET QUICK! Rattus, Tea Rat is really HOT!I think Mavis Mudd has a great idea.. It may work..Tea Rat... Lunch time yes? I would love a sandwich, please put some Gouda on mine.love,Bebe
TEA RAT: Ahhhh....thank you for that splash of water on my backside...whatever did I do?RATTUS: I think you backed up onto the stove where the pot was boiling! THANKS BEBE! Let's sit down and have a gouda sandwich!
Oh GOODIE! Let's pull up a chair. Does anyone have a fan?There is smoke everywhere from that splash of water on Tea Rats backside.Bebep.s. Anita, your illustration is FANTASTIC!
TEA RAT: WOOO! Too much excitement for one day....A new housemaid/chicken with a vengeance for dust, and a fire to my backside. I think I need a goûter, followed by a high tea break, with a digestif, then a full course, proper English meal, followed by dessert, a cheese and fruit platter, tea, an apertif....RED SONJA, can you handle all of that? Oh, and a nightcap, and a glass of milk and biskies before I retire....RATTUS: Will someone please STOP HIM? I am getting sick just listening to him!
RATTUS: Ha! Forget a digestif. You need more like a laxatif. I think that was more than just fire coming from your backside. TEA RAT: What? Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting? RATTUS: Well, after all, a rat that eats cheese that he has hidden in a boot won't exactly be issuing flowers from his backside, will he?
TEA RAT: All quiet on the western front here; Red Sonja is asleep, for I think that her first day on the job has fatigued her beyond even HER calculations. I shall putter about the house and look for something to eat....
I will be back..Signed.. Red Sonja.
You guys rock..:))
TEA RAT: teeheeee.....RED SONJA, YOU ROCK MY WORLD! I have become much tidier, I do not leave my cheese and crackers all about the house, and you make a fabulous MOCK chicken soup. You are IN FOR LIFE here at Witsend!Drink Tea and Carry On....
TEA RAT: Ahhh.....Red Sonja dearest, can you lay me some special eggs? I want to paint some Easter eggs and I think your special heirloom brand will produce a lovely egg for my display. HOW ABOUT CHICKIE? teehehe
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