He Was A Good Rat.

Ruben Rivera©

Rattus: Tea Rat, what are you doing?

Tea Rat: I'm writing my obituary. I was reading the newspaper obituaries and they're not very exciting. No plot. No foreshadowing. No hero's quest. No rising action, climax, or falling action, no conflict or resolution. When I die, I want to make sure the newspapers get my obituary right.

Rattus: You just mentioned parts of fictional literature. An obituary is a simple public notice of someone's death with a few factual highlights of their life.

Tea Rat: It doesn't have to be boring does it? It's not enough that I'll be dead, the summation of my life has to be dead too? We want meaning, drama, characters that a reader cares about, irony, literary panache. The reader should be in tears when they're done, emotionally spent, unable to take any more.

Reepicheep, Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawntreader

Rattus: Alright. Let's hear the obituary you have created for yourself.

Tea Rat: "He was a good rat."

Rattus: That's it?

Tea Rat: What do you think? Why, Rattus, you're crying.

Rattus: I'm emotionally spent. 

Tea Rat: Well, whaddaya know. It worked.

"Blessed are the cheese-makers."

Rattus: Please stop. I can't take any more. 
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Not So Funny Bunny.

Tea Rat: Rattus, are you going to ground all pootpoot pilots until they all get recertified?

Rattus: No. I don't think it was Bebe or TJ's fault. I think it was a faulty fripp valve that caused faulty readings on the framastat.

Tea Rat: Humm! A faulty fripped framastat. Frightening.

Rattus: Games already? At 7 in the morning? OK. Yes, it was Foul and fagitious, to be sure.

Tea Rat: Finished fact-finding? I'm food famished.

Rattus: OK stop. It's no longer Funny.

Tea: Look there's a bunny.

Rattus: Cut it out. I mean it.

Tea: Anybody want a peanut?

Rattus: Sweet Saint Rodentia.

Tea: Look there's a bunny.

Rattus: That doesn't even rhyme. OK, I'm done.

Tea: Look there's a bunny.