Story by Ruben (of rattusscribus.blogspot.com).
Art by Anita (of castlescrownscottages.blogspot.com)
Rattus: Tea, my dear, dear friend, I have something I must confess to you. I...
Tea: Not now old thing: survival, first order of the day, you know.
Rattus: Abandon ship! Every rat for himself!
Tea: ABANDON TO WHERE?! Grab everything and pitch it overboard. It will lighten our landing.
Rattus: You're right, you're right. (There go all our suitcases -- my favorite pajamas were in there.) Sorry, son, I lost my head. (And the picnic blankets. Gone.) I would never abandon my friends. (Sigh! All our books!) Surely you know that. (Ahhh! All our food!) Above all one's best frien... (Wait a minute! Not the flasks of wine and ale. Over my dead body!)
Tea: That will be true enough in about forty seconds; the ale or our lives? Are we really discussing this? May I?
Rattus: Oh, go ahead. We're dead rats anyway! (Farewell, thou sweet ambrosia.) Well the last thing is your knapsack of teas, including PG Tips. Overboard it goes...
Tea: NEVER! NOT WHILE THERE'S BREATH IN THIS RAT'S BODY! FREEZE! DON'T YOU DARE!
Rattus: Oh...I suppose we should not deny ourselves one last comfort...before the (choke) end.
Tea: I'll never forget you for this, Rattus. I mean saving the tea and all.
Rattus: I fear we will shortly be forgetting all.
Tea: We've drifted so far. Where do you suppose we are?
Rattus: We've traveled well beyond Nowhere, that's for sure. We could have gone to way Over There, or, Heaven forbid, Out There. What do you think?
Tea: "Hail Mary, full of grace..."
Rattus: No, by thunder! I think ... Heaven help us ... I think we're about to crash completely outside of our beloved land of Nowhere and into Left Field. Let's just hope we're not in the Boondocks. That's the last place we want to be.
Tea: "...the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou amongst women..."
Rattus: Brace yourself, old thing! At least there are some trees. Maybe that will soften our…
"CUURRRRASSH! ... RRRIP! ... BUMPITY ... TEAR! ... BRRRAPITY ... SCRAPE! ... KERRPLUNKITY! ... SPLAT!"
MEANWHILE BACK IN NOWHERE, Rattus and Tea's friends have been watching the dramatic tableau unfold from the ground below.
Mozes: Well, they're gone. They were good rats. Good mates. Funny as all He...
Gretta: No, no, no. They could still be alive. Oh, where do you think they went?
Raccoon: Careful Gretta, you know when you get excited, your spines can shoot out.
Mozes: You're right, Gretta. They're survivors, those two. Perhaps they ... That is, I mean I think they landed way out in Left Field.
Ms. Moussie: Then we simply have to go search for them.
Paisley Bunny: I'm in.
Bebe: Me and TJ will get to the plane and search from the air.
Mozes: It's settled then. Let's go get our boys back.
WAY OUT IN LEFT FIELD:
Rattus: Owwwww! My head!
Tea: I feel like I've been hit by a train.
Rattus: Our lovely blimp... everything is in ruins. Hah! But I see that even the cold bony hands of the Grim Reaper were insufficient to pry your tea-filled knapsack from your paws. I do believe that had you died, you would have taken it with you to the next life.
Tea: You'll be glad for my knapsack later. But for now: first order of business, you know. By the way, what were you going to confess to me?
Rattus: Confession? What confession, dear fellow? Oh, that. 'Twas mere panic-induced babble. Think no more about it! Besides, first order of business, you know. First order of business.
Tea: Hummm! I see. Well I'll accept that, for now. So where are we?
Rattus: I fear we are totally in Left Field. Where in the name of Tartarus do we begin?
Tea: With the first step, my dear fellow. With the first step.
AFTER THE RATS' ADVENTUROUS JOURNEY BACK TO NOWHERE (which is another long tail for another time) OUR BOYS ARRIVE AT THE PUB ON RABBIT HILL:
Rattus: Hello, lads! Me and my good companion here have stared down the face of death, and survived to tell you all the tale. Drinks all around! Ale for everyone!
Tea: Make mine tea. "P.G. Tips: Only fools..."
Rattus: Hrrrumph! Uh, my good rat?
Tea: Right. "P.G. Tips, sweet to the lips."
Rattus: Lads, once you've looked into the eyeless sockets of the Grim Reaper, the simplest ale is richer far than anything that came before. Cigar smoke is mountain air. And the company of good friends is the fellowship of the heavenly saints. To you, lads!
ALL IN THE PUB: AND TO YOU, SIRS. HERE, HERE!
(CLINK, CLINK, CLINK, CLINK, CLINK, CLINK, CLINK, CLINK, CLINK, CLINK, CLINK, CLINK, CLINK, CLINK........)
Tea: Well spoken my dear fellow.
Rattus: Here's to you my good friend. Cheers.
Tea: And to you. Cheers.